Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic (Valentine's Day Monologue)

Wrote a monologue that's fitting for Valentine's Day, check it out and feel free to make comments.


I sit in the school working on a writing assignment that’s due later today. I know it sounds crazy but I get a kick out of that last minute pressure. Procrastination really gets the creative juices flowing, at least for me. Anyway, I’m working hard on this assignment, when I hear laughs and giggles coming from across the room. I look up and see a couple sitting a few tables down from me.

Despite the fact my paper is due in less than 3 hours, it’s quite a pretty sight to see. The girl smiles playfully at her boyfriend and he reciprocates with soothing whispers. The girl is quite a beauty with long blond hair that curls up at the end. She definitely uses a lot of Pantene Pro V. Trust me I know these things. Her eyes are sweet as Malaga and she has perfect, well-rounded lips. She also has perfect, well-rounded hips but we’re still on the face. She has a cute, small nose and she must use Crest whitening strips at least four times a day for her teeth are a bright, pearly white. She has a beautiful physique and has been blessed with accurate assets in all the right places. It’s like goldilocks, not too big and not too small. Just perfect. Her personality comes off as shy and reserved, but she’s also assertive and knows how to get what she wants. She appears to be more on the petite side, but that makes it so much cuter watching her sit next to her much taller boyfriend. He’s not too bad looking either. As I said before, he’s tall and carries the persona of a true Italian. Not the Jersey Shore, Robert DeNiro wannabe Italians, but a nicely groomed and humble human being. You can tell from his hazel eyes that he shows deep concern and compassion for his girl and it’s adorable. He’s got a bit of muscle on his arms, but not too much that would make him look like he’s jacked. His hair is jet black and cropped up towards the front.

Every five minutes my eyes dart up to watch the two young lovers, chat and chuckle playfully with one another. Every so often they would exchange quick kisses. At one point they kiss and hold it out for almost a minute. I look around and notice I’m not the only one watching.

All of a sudden, the boy hands the girl a present and says, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” It’s at that moment, I’m painfully reminded of what day it is and I quickly turn away. When I turn back, I catch a glimpse of the young girl’s eyes. I can tell she’s completely enamored over her gift and there’s a magical spark between them. Me and everyone else know what that means. He’s going to sweep her off her feet and take her home tonight. They’re going to have a nice romantic dinner and he’s going to serenade her with kisses and old-fashioned R & B tunes. Then he’s going to take her upstairs and they’re going to fuck.

Oh yes, I just went there so deal with it. Besides what else do you want me say? Make love? People in the real world don’t make love, only people in literature do. Case in point, Edward and Bella made love. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart fucked. Most likely.

So this young lovely couple will get their freak on and from the grin on her face I can tell he’s a pro.

This piece was just supposed to be about me going through another year without a valentine, but now that I think about it, it seems kind of selfish and it’s really low of me to play the pity card to my female friends that will read this, so I’ll just continue writing about Romeo and Juliet.

I look up and see that the romantic duo is standing up and getting ready to leave. Damn, that guy is really tall. He’s almost a foot taller than her. One must wonder the epic failure of these two trying to engage in stand up position. He’d probably have to give her a boost up, although if you factor in his muscle strength and her body weight, they might be able to pull it off. I’ve never been that good in physics so I’m moving on.

Anyways, they kiss again and hold hands as they make their way down the stairs. As soon as they disappear, it suddenly hits me why I’ve been so focused on this cute couple for the past 10 minutes. It’s because I want that in some shape or form. I don’t know a thing about this couple before I met them and I probably won’t know a thing that happens after this encounter. What I do know is in those few moments, I wanted to have something like that in my life. I mean is it wrong of me to ask that much or am I even asking for that much at all? Is it a crime for a guy to just be an old-fashioned romantic and sweep a girl off her feet by doing something so touching? Is it wrong of me to ask you, the reader, why I feel like a hopeless romantic? Is it bad of me to fantasize about a girl walking up to me, planting a kiss on my lips and saying you make my world brighter? Is it a sin for me to occasionally eye the breasts of the chick sitting next to me in anthropology wondering how I can score her number? Nope, not at all. So then why do I feel like I’m exploiting myself? I don’t mean to. Then again I don’t think most people try to exploit or expose themselves, it just happens.

I’m painting a picture where I seem unlucky, but in reality I’m just too damn picky and in the end, that’s my downfall. If I really wanted to, I could go on J-Date and find myself a nice Jewish girl. But with my mindset, that’s being too lazy on my part. It’s like I’m telling my computer, I’m too lazy to go out and find a girl myself, why don’t you do it for me. I could go out to bars every night and hook up with chicks if wanted to. But do I really want to get into a serious relationship with a girl who enjoys going to bars more than I do? It’s not my cup of tea and I don’t need to smell the stench of vodka every time I kiss a girl.

Again it comes down to the fact that I don’t know what I want and maybe with all the baggage I have now in my life, I might not even be willing to take on the baggage that comes with a relationship. However, I see many of my friends and classmates in relationships and at times it bother me. Sometimes the “will I end up alone?” question pops into my head and I turn my attention to something else to rid those thoughts. Now the relationships my friends and classmates are in all have their ups and down, but it’d be nice if I can have someone to call a valentine.

Shit, there I go again with the pity card. I know I can’t just put myself out there, meet someone, hook up and then label it a relationship. That’s not how it works, although some people believe that’s the way it happens. I just hope that one day, I can meet that ideal girl and we can sit and drink coffee as we engage in intellectual conversations and build infallible chemistry. I’ll have you know that I hate coffee, but if she likes me enough and I like her enough, I guess I can manage a cup or two. Until then, I’ll just keep on living the single life and just waiting.

Until then let me finish up this writing assignment.

“Why I hate Valentine’s Day?” by Ian Feldman
End scene

This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom

Beautiful Boy

I didn't have much time to update so I'm just going to leave you with the lyric and video of the day. Anyway, this is John Lennon's Beautiful Boy, which was released on his last album Double Fantasy. The song was written for his 5 year old son, Sean whom he had with Yoko Ono. I chose this song as it's my brother's birthday, who happens to share the same namesake as John's son.



‎"Before you cross the street take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon



This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom.

Sometimes

For today's song of the day we go back to 1992 when No Doubt released their first album. If you were to ask if I'm a No Doubt fan, I can't give you a clear answer. To me they're one of those bands that started off hot and then over time they slowly went downhill until they became pretty much toxic to the ear. "The B sides and rarities" album don't count as most of those were from their early days.



This rare gem from the self titled album would have probably gone unnoticed by me if I would have never heard an amazing acoustic cover done at Frenchwoods a few years back. Anyway here's Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt in their prime.

"From now on I will behave, but in the back of my mind I will be enslaved." - No Doubt



This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom

Cruel To Be Kind

I have a lot of things to do tonight so I'll make this quick. Today's song of the day is Nick Lowe's 1979, "Cruel To Be Kind." It was his best and only known hit to reach the top 40 billboard. The song would later be covered in 90s by Letters For Cleo for the film 10 Things I Hate About You.



Fun Fact: 10 Things I Hate About You is a modernized version of William Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. The title "Cruel to be Kind" is often contributed to another Shakespeare character, Hamlet.

Here's today lyrics of the day.

"You say you've got to be... Cruel to be kind in the right measure. Cruel to be a Kind it's a very good sign." - Nick Lowe



And here's the Letters For Cleo version



This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom

November Rain

This one is a given for this month. I should've done this yesterday since it pretty much poured all day in New York. Anyway, this Guns and Roses classic was released in 1992. At almost 9 minutes it is one of the longest songs in their repertoire and is considered by many to be an epic classic. The video is quite amazing and went on to win an MTV movie award. Anyway, here's your lyrics of the day.



"So if you want to love me then darling don't refrain. Or i'll just end up walkin' in the cold November Rain" - Guns N Roses



This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom

El Scorcho

Yesterday, Weezer released the deluxe edition of their 1996 album Pinkerton. The band's second album, it followed the release of the Blue Album, which featured popular hits such as the Sweater Song and Buddy Holly. When it came time to record a second album, Weezer attempted to create a concept album, which is now the abandoned "Song from the Black Hole." Some of the tracks from that album would wind up Pinkerton. The album Pinkerton as a whole is much darker than the Blue Album.



Upon its release, Pinkerton was a commercial failure and it would become popular until years later. "El Scorcho" was the first single released from the album. As i said it's completely different from Buddy Holly and therefore this is one of those love it or hate it. Anyway, here's your lyrics of the day.

"I'm a lot like you so please, hello, I'm here, I'm waiting. I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me" - Weezer



This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom.