That's Not What I Meant!

Don't you just hate it when you go on a date and everything's going great until you inadvertently blurt out something stupid. Yeah, it's not fun. Don't you wish you could hit a replay button and do it over again? Well, that's what David Ives in his short one-act, Sure Thing. The one act comes from All In The Timing, a collection of six one act plays by Ives. If this sounds familiar to CSI students that's because our drama department did a production of "All In The Timing" back in March. Although, i didn't get a chance to see it, I came across this play during my creative writing course and it's definitely worth sharing. Anyway, I'm going to post a performance that was done at Stetson University back in 2007. I also have the dialogue below. I tried to get the CSI version but i couldn't find it. Anyway, here's Sure Thing by David Ives.





Characters
BILL and BETTY, both in their late 20s.

Setting
A café table, with two chairs and a bell.

In most cases, the bell is hidden but in this version, the actors keep in pressing it.
(Betty is reading at the table.)

Bill: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?

Betty: Excuse me?

Bill: Is this taken?

Betty: Yes it is.

Bill: Oh. Sorry.

Betty: Sure thing. (A bell rings softly.)

Bill: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?

Betty: Excuse me?

Bill: Is this taken?

Betty: No, but I'm expecting somebody in a minute.

Bill: Oh. Thanks anyway.

Betty: Sure thing. (A bell rings softly.)

Bill: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?

Betty: No, but I'm expecting somebody very shortly.

Bill: Would you mind if I sit here till he or she comes?

Betty (glances at her watch): They seem to be pretty late.....

Bill: You never know who you might be turning down.

Betty: Sorry. Nice try, though.

Bill: Sure thing. (Bell)

Bill: Is this seat taken?

Betty: No it's not.

Bill: Would you mind if I sit here?

Betty: Yes I would.

Bill: Oh. (Bell)

Bill: Is this chair taken?

Betty: No it's not.

Bill: Would you mind if I sit here?

Betty: No. Go ahead.

Bill: Thanks. (He sits. She continues reading.) Everyplace else seems to be taken.

Betty: Mm-hm.

Bill: Great place.

Betty: Mm-hm.

Bill: What's the book?

Betty: I just wanted to read in quiet, if you don't mind.

Bill: No, sure thing. (Bell)

Bill: Everyplace else seems to be taken.

Betty: Mm-hm.

Bill: Great place for reading.

Betty: Yes, I like it.

Bill: What's the book?

Betty: The Sound and the Fury.

Bill: Oh, Hemingway. (Bell)

Bill: What's the book?

Betty: The Sound and the Fury.

Bill: Oh. Faulkner.

Betty: Have you read it?

Bill: Not ... actually. I've sure read about ... it though. It's supposed to be great.

Betty: It is great.

Bill: I hear it's great. (Small pause.) Waiter? (Bell)

Bill: What's the book?

Betty: The Sound and the Fury.

Bill: Oh. Faulkner.

Betty: Have you read it?

Bill: I'm a Mets fan, myself. (Bell)

Betty: Have you read it?

Bill: Yeah, I read it in college.

Betty: Where was college?

Bill: I went to Oral Roberts University. (Bell)

Betty: Where was college?

Bill: I was lying. I never really went to college. I just like to party. (Bell)

Betty: Where was college?

Bill: Harvard.

Betty: Do you like Faulkner?

Bill: I love Faulkner. I spent a while winter reading him once.

Betty: I've just started.

Bill: I was so excited after ten pages that I went out and bought everything else he wrote. One of the greatest reading experiences of my life. I mean, all that incredible psychological understanding. Page after page of gorgeous prose. His profound grasp of the mystery of time and human existence. The smells of the earth ... What do you think?

Betty: I think it's pretty boring. (Bell)

Bill: What's the book?

Betty: The Sound and the Fury.

Bill: Oh! Faulkner!

Betty: Do you like Faulkner?

Bill: I love Faulkner.

Betty: He's incredible.

Bill: I spent a whole winter reading him once.

Betty: I was so excited after ten pages that I went out and bought everything else he wrote.

Bill: All that incredible psychological understanding.-

Betty: And the prose is so gorgeous.

Bill: And the way he's grasped the mystery of time

Betty: and human existence. I can't believe I've waited this long to read him.

Bill: You never know. You might not have liked him before.

Betty: That's true.

Bill: You might not have been ready for him. You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.

Betty: That's happening to me.

Bill: It's all in the timing. (Small pause.) My name's Bill, by the way.

Betty: I'm Betty.

Bill: Hi.

Betty: Hi. (Small pause.)

Bill: Yes I thought reading Faulkner was ... a great experience.

Betty: Yes. (Small pause.)

Bill: The Sound and the Fury ... (Another small pause.)

Betty: Well. Onwards and upwards. (She goes back to her book.)

Bill: Waiter ? (Bell)

Bill: You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.

Betty: That's happened to me.

Bill: It's all in the timing. My name's Bill, by the way.

Betty: I'm Betty.

Bill: Hi.

Betty: Hi.

Bill: Do you come in here a lot?

Betty: Actually I'm just in town for two days from Pakistan.

Bill: Oh, Pakistan. (Bell)

Bill: My name's Bill, by the way.

Betty: I'm Betty.

Bill: Hi.

Betty: Hi.

Bill: Do you come here a lot?

Betty: Every once in a while. Do you?

Bill: Not much anymore. Not as much as I used to. Before my nervous breakdown. (Bell)

Bill: Do you come in here a lot?

Betty: Why are you asking?

Bill: Just interested.

Betty: Are you really interested, or do you just want to pick me up?

Bill: No, I'm really interested.

Betty: Why would you be interested in whether I come in here a lot?

Bill: Just ... getting acquainted.

Betty (Her anger grows): Maybe you're only interested for the sake of making small talk long enough to ask me back to your place to listen to some music, or because you've just rented some great tape for your VCR, or because you've got some terrific unknown Django Reinhardt record, only all you'll really want to do is fuck which you won't do very well after which you'll go into the bathroom and pee very loudly, then pad into the kitchen and get yourself a beer from the refrigerator without asking me whether I'd like anything, and then you'll proceed to lie back down beside me and confess that you've got a girlfriend named Stephanie who's away at medical school in Belgium for a year, and that you've been involved with her off and on in what you'll call a very "intricate" relationship, for about seven YEARS. None of which interests me, mister!

Bill: Okay. (Bell)

Bill: Do you come in here a lot?

Betty: Every other day I think.

Bill: I come in here quite a lot and I don't remember seeing you.

Betty: I guess we must be on different schedules.

Bill: Missed connections.

Betty: Yes. Different time zones.

Bill: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.

Betty: I know.

Bill: City life.

Betty: It's crazy.

Bill: We probably pass each other in the street every day. Right in front of this place, probably.

Betty: Yep.

Bill (looks around): Well, the waiters here sure seem to be in some different time zone. I can't seem to locate one anywhere ... Waiter! (He looks back.) So what do you (He sees that she's gone back to her book.)

Betty: I beg pardon?

Bill: Nothing. Sorry. (Bell)

Betty: I guess we must be on different schedules.

Bill: Missed connections.

Betty: Yes. Different time zones.

Bill: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.

Betty: I know.

Bill: City life.

Betty: It's crazy.

Bill: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?

Betty: Actually, I was.

Bill: Oh. Boyfriend?

Betty: Sort of.

Bill: What's a sort-of boyfriend?

Betty: My husband.

Bill: Ah-ha. (Bell)

Bill: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?

Betty: Actually, I was.

Bill: Oh. Boyfriend?

Betty: Sort of.

Bill: What's a sort-of boyfriend?

Betty: We were meeting here to break up.

Bill: Mm-hm ... (Bell)

Bill: What's a sort-of boyfriend?

Betty: My lover. Here she comes right now! (Bell)

Bill: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?

Betty: No, just reading.

Bill: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here, all by yourself?

Betty: Do you think so?

Bill: Well sure. I mean, what's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night?

Betty: Trying to keep away from lines like that.

Bill: No, listen (Bell)

Bill: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?

Betty: No, just reading.

Bill: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?

Betty: I guess it is, in a way.

Bill: What's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night anyway? No offense, but ...

Betty: I'm out alone on a Friday night for the first time in a very long time.

Bill: Oh.

Betty: You see, I just recently ended a relationship.

Bill: Oh.

Betty: Of rather long standing.

Bill: I'm sorry (Small pause.) Well listen, since reading by yourself is such a sad occupation for a Friday night, would you like to go elsewhere?

Betty: No ...

Bill: Do something else?

Betty: No thanks.

Bill: I was headed out to the movies in a while anyway.

Betty: I don't think so.

Bill: Big chance to let Faulkner catch his breath. All those long sentences get him pretty tired.

Betty: Thanks anyway.

Bill: Okay.

Betty: I appreciate the invitation.

Bill: Sure thing. (Bell)

Bill: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?

Betty: No, just reading.

Bill: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?

Betty: I guess I was trying to think of it as existentially romantic. You know cappuccino, great literature, rainy night ...

Bill: That only works in Paris. We could hop the late plane to Paris. Get on a Concorde. Find a café ...

Betty: I'm a little short of plane fare tonight.

Bill: Damn it, so am I.

Betty: To tell you the truth, I was headed to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along? Since you can't locate a waiter?

Bill: That's a very nice offer but ...

Betty: Uh-huh. Girlfriend?

Bill: Two, actually. One of them's pregnant, and Stephanie-(Bell.)

Betty: Girlfriend?

Bill: No, I don't have a girlfriend. Not if you mean the castrating bitch I dumped last night. (Bell)

Betty: Girlfriend?

Bill: Sort of. Sort of.

Betty: What's a sort-of girlfriend?

Bill: My mother. (Bell)

Bill: I just ended a relationship, actually.

Betty: Oh.

Bill: Of rather long standing.

Betty: I'm sorry to hear it.

Bill: This is my first night out alone in a long time. I feel a little bit at sea, to tell you the truth.

Betty: So you didn't stop to talk because you're a Moonie, or you have some weird political affiliation ?

Bill: Nope. Straight-down-the-ticket Republican. (Bell) Straight-down-the-ticket Democrat. (Bell) Can I tell you something about politics? (Bell) I like to think of myself as a citizen of the universe. (Bell) I'm unaffiliated.

Betty: That's a relief. So am I.

Bill: I vote my beliefs.

Betty: Labels are not important.

Bill: Labels are not important, exactly. Like me, for example. I mean, what does it matter if I had a two-point at (bell) three-point at --(bell)-- four-point at college, or if I did come from Pittsburgh --(bell)-- Cleveland --(bell)-- Westchester County?

Betty: Sure.

Bill: I believe a man is what he is. (Bell) A person is what he is. (Bell) A person is ... what they are.

Betty: I think so too.

Bill: So what if I admire Trotsky? (Bell) So what if I once had a total-body liposuction? (Bell) So what if I don't have a penis? (Bell) SO what if I once spent a year in the Peace Corps? I was acting on my convictions.

Betty: Sure.

Bill: You can't just hang a sign on a person.

Betty: Absolutely. I'll bet you're a Scorpio. (Many bells ring) Listen, I was headed to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along?

Bill: That sounds like fun. What's playing?

Betty: A couple of the really early Woody Allen movies.

Bill: Oh.

Betty: Don't you like Woody Allen?

Bill: Sure. I like Woody Allen.

Betty: But you're not crazy about Woody Allen.

Bill: Those early ones kind of get on my nerves.

Betty: Uh-huh. (Bell)

simultaneously
Bill: Y'know I was headed to the Betty: I was thinking about

Bill: I'm sorry.

Betty: No, go ahead.

Bill: I was going to say that I was headed to the movies in a little while, and ...

Betty: So was I.

Bill: The Woody Allen festival?

Betty: Just up the street.

Bill: Do you like the early ones?

Betty: I think anybody who doesn't ought to be run off the planet.

Bill: How many times have you seen Bananas?

Betty: Eight times.

Bill: Twelve. So are you still interested? (Long pause.)

Betty: Do you like Entenmann's crumb cake ...?

Bill: Last night I went out at two in the morning to get one. (Small pause.) Did you have an Etch-a-Sketch as a child?

Betty: Yes! And do you like Brussels sprouts? (Small pause.)

Bill: I think they're gross.

Betty: They are gross!

Bill: Do you still believe in marriage in spite of current sentiments against it?

Betty: Yes.

Bill: And children?

Betty: Three of them.

Bill: Two girls and a boy.

Betty: Harvard, Vassar, and Brown.

Bill: And will you love me?

Betty: Yes.

Bill: And cherish me forever?

Betty: Yes.

Bill: Do you still want to go to the movies?

Betty: Sure thing.

Bill and Betty (together): Waiter!

(Blackout.)

This has been Ian Feldman speaking words of wisdom.

A Deconstruction of Champions: The Three-Man Rotation

Welcome to the second edition of Deconstructing Champions. Today we look at the catchers and pitchers of the 2009 Yankees. For the past few years, pitching has posed quite a setback for the Yankees and the beginning of this year looked like it would be a another bad year for pitching. Luckily, the Yankees found a nice rotation towards the middle of year, which included Sabathia, Burnett, Pettite and Chamberlain. When the postseason came around, many people were worried with Joe Girardi's decision to use a three man rotation but as we know the Yankees pulled through. So with that we look at the contributions of the ptichers and catchers that led the Yankees to their 27th victory.


Jorge Posada - Posada made his debut as a Yankee in 95, the same year that his fellow teammate, Captain, and good friend Derek Jeter made his debut. Jorge Posada has always been consistent as a catcher and a batter. Ending the season with 109 hits, Posada did quite well this year. He hit the homer in the ALDS against the Twins to give the Yankees a 2-1 victory and his double in Game 4 of the World Series helped secure a 7-4 win against the Phillies. Posada had always worked hard and it was finally good to see him pick up his 5th World Series ring.


Jose Molina - Being a backup catcher for Posada, we didn't see Molina as much during this season, but he deserves an honorable mention. With the help of A.J. Burnett he did a good job when he played in Game 2. Although he did perform as well as he did last year offensive wise he got 30 hits this season and 1 home run.

Francisco Cervelli and Kevin Cash deserve honorable mentions for their contributions during the regular season.

Pitching


C.C. Sabathia - Acquired during the offseason last year, Sabathia proved to be a helpful add to the Yankees starting rotation. With a fantastic 19-8 record and excellent pitching in Games 1 and 4 of the World Series, he has quickly become a favorite among many Yankee fans. As long as Sabathia never has to pitch to Utley again, he'll help shut down the opposing team.


A.J. Burnett - While Game 5 might have been a bad night for Burnett, we can't forget the excellent game he pitched in game 2. Like Sabathia, he signed on to the Yanks during the offseason and had a tough season with a 13-9 record. Usually pitching great starts in his games, he could go five or six innings without giving up a hit. He pitched a hitter against the Mets and pitching an immaculate inning when the Yanks played the Marlins.


Andy Pettitte - In Game 6, when Pettite left the mound and was given a standing ovation, it kind of reminded me of the scene from "Angels in the Outfield" where everyone flaps their arms for Tony Danza. Like Jeter and Posada, Pettitte made his debut with the Yankees in 95. He had a decent season with a 14-8 record. However,Pettitte's performance in Game 3 and 6 helped secure the win for the Yanks. He definitely would've been a good candidate for the MVP.


Alfredo Aceves - Quite effective as both a starter and a reliever, Aceves pitched an excellent season and had Girardi decided to use at least a 4 pitcher rotation, maybe the Yankees would've have won it in four. He ended the season with a 10-1 record.


Joba Chamberlain - The poor guy keeps on getting thrown back and forth as a starter and reliever. A tough year for Chamberlain he went 9-6 for the year and was almost sent back to the minors. Although he did give up that home run against Pedro Feliz he got a couple of strike outs. We're not sure what will happen to Joba next year but for now he could celebrate his first World Series championship.


Phil Coke - Although his performance in the post season was not too great, he had an ok regular season with a 5-3 record including 2 saves. Nevertheless he did help the Yankees in helping them pick up their 27th World Championship.


Phil Hughes - Fully recovered and healthy from the end of last season, Hughes replaced Wang at the end of April and had a great year with a 8-3 record. He spent the second half of the season as relief pitcher, but there is much speculation that he might be back on the starting rotation for next year.


Damaso Marte - A good reliever, who did very well in the post season. He struck out the two big hitters Utley and Howard in Game 6, which set up for Rivera to come in and finish the series. He retired 12 of the 14 batters he faced during the postseason, five of which were strikeouts.


David Robertson - Although he contributed to the 6-1 loss in game 1 of the World Series, he also helped the Yankees get out of a tight spot in both ALCS and ALDS.


Mariano Rivera - The fourth current Yankee, who started in 95,Rivera has always been called in to seal the deal and he's usually delivered. With his fifth World Series ring and turning 40 in a couple of weeks, we wonder what will become of Mariano Rivera in the future. For now, he can celebrate along with the rest of his team for a 27th World Championship.

With Rivera, we round up the pitchers and catchers who did an amazing job, but we must give honorable mentions to several other pitchers including Michael Dunn, Chad Gaudin,Brian Bruney, who does a better job causing controversy, and Chien-Ming Wang, who still got a World Series ring despite being disabled for most of the season.

Next time, we hit the outfield and look at the power and talent out there.

This has been Ian K. Feldman speaking words of wisdom.

A Deconstruction of Champions. How the Yankees Reclaimed The Title of World Champions!

How did the Yankees win the World Series?

A. They Cheated
B. They're Perfect
C. They Were Lucky
D. IT IS WRITTEN

The question above is a variation of a similar question asked in the film, "Slumdog Millionaire," but I think it perfectly sums up how the Yankees came from a dreadful season starter to retaking the World Series Title for the 27th time after a lengthy nine year wait.

The second half of the season, the 2009 Yankees paralleled the success of the 2007 Giants, who would go on to defeat the 18-0 Patriots in the Super Bowl. This is pretty amazing considering that they had a horrible start that included a notorious 22-4 loss to the Indians back in April. Look back at the season, especially the post season we could see the excellent teamwork that got the Yankees back in first, eight games ahead of the second place Boston, and a trip to the World Series after six years. Mind you this is coming from someone who's a Met fan and thought the 2004 ALCS was the best series I ever watched. Sorry Yankee fans but that's hands down the greatest comeback I've seen in baseball.

Of course, the key to the Yankees winning the title comes down to the individual contributions of the players, who worked together to pull themselves out of a slump and regain what I felt would be the inevitable. Therefore, I'm presenting a segment called the Destructing Champions, where we will look at the contributions of each Yankee that played a prominent role in leading them to their 27th World Championship. Since discussing the contributions of each Yankee will be quite a lengthy blog, I will be breaking this down into several segments, which will appear throughout the month of November. All of the players featured are Yankees, who played after the All-Star Break and made an appearance in at least one postseason game. We'll start off with the infield players for this edition.



Derek Jeter - Who better to start off with then the captain, who had a fantastic season with the Yankees. With an impressive 212 hits (including 18 homers)and surpassing Lou Gehrig's all time hit record with the Yankees, Jeter deserves the nickname "Hit Man." Jeter made successful hits in 14 of the 15 postseason games and ended the year with a career 2747 hits. One of four Yankees, who played the last time they won the World Championship, this is Jeter's first win as Captain and he has plenty to be happy about. We have sportscasters, managers, and fans who acknowledge his hard work both on and off the field. It's not unreasonable to suggest that Jeter defines what baseball is supposed to represent. I cannot wait to see the day they retire his number 2 and he gets his induction into the Hall of Fame.



Mark Teixeira - With Jason Giambi gone, the Yankees needed a good replacement for first place and they did just that with the acquisition of two time Gold Glove winner Mark Teixeira. Needless to say, Teixeira delivered both on the field and on the plate. Although Teixeira struggled a little in the World Series, he had a fantastic season tying with Carlos Pena for the most home runs hit in the AL (39.) He also had an impressive 122 RBI for the season. This is Teixeira's first appearance in a World Series and what a wonderful first season to have with the Yankees.



Robinson Cano - The second baseman proved to have a much better season this year then he did in previous years. He was one of 2 Yankees to get over 200 hits this season. It was also the first time Cano hit over 20 home runs in a season. Although he struggled on the plate this post season, he delivered some well executed doubles plays in Game 6. Hopefully for Yankee fans, they'll see Cano continue to improve for next season.



Alex Rodriguez - At the start of this season A-Rod was plagued by bad news from his admittance of taking steroids while playing with the Rangers to torn labrum in his hip, which kept him off the field until May. Early in the season, A-Rod seemed to be the help that the Yankees offense needed and despite all the controversy he pulled through. This was A-Rod's first home run appearance and he has pulled through in the World Series with a home run in Game 3 and helped secure the win in Game 4. With a slightly improved postseason and well played season, it seems that most Yankee fans are willing to forgive him. However, it's important to remember that we cannot pass judgment on a person based upon how they perform because it doesn't properly represent their character.

That's it for now. Next time, we'll look at the contributions of the catchers and the pitching staff.

This has been Ian Feldman speaking words of wisdom.